stress stress...


course commander...is the busiest...

its like ur the busiest yet no regonition, lol...

i worked like a cow yet SAF pay me 1k...slept at 1am or 2am everyday report work latest 8am however i will wake up at 5.30am by my recruits' water parade...

so far handle 3 BGR problems, 1 suicidal case...

how i handle them, i fcking lied...i told them my love exp, trying to make them think actually there are worst cases out there, some of which is true but tat isnt the point

the point is i freaking lied to my recruits...i am worst than a bitch ~
they look up to me, i promise the instructor's creed to their parents, their parents entrust their children to my care...how could i face them again in 6 weeks time during their POP

i got a bar on my shoulder, i do things which i felt is right, i talked so seniors commander on how...i trusted my intuition, am i right ? wat if i did it wrongly, the feeling within me was wrong...am i causing 1 of the suicide recruit ? did i force too much pressure onto him, he attempted suicide due to too much stress...did i caused it ? did i juz destroy him ? which in-turn hurts her parents cuz hes his onli son...can i still trust my gut feeling ?

what if u trusted ur gut feeling, did it, didnt turn out well, affected some1's life towards the bad side...what will u do, how will u feel, what can u do next,i nid know,i nid to find, i nid an answer, i cant trust my feeling anymore, rather i am afraid of wats gonna happen, how can i trust my feeling ever again...what will i do from now...

i am afraid to face him, how mani recruits cried infront of me, approaching me for advise for help...yet i am young, inexperienced to help them

to be honest i am escaping, trying to run away from reality, but i cant...i cant...

pls help me...i am suffering within yet i have to face them wif confidence, no worry attitude, problem-free commander...


despite all of these, i will be strong & try my best...
the reason i become an officer is i want to change ppl's life...i want them to call me sir poh cuz they respect me and not juz by my rank


- By Nerdy @ 2:29 PM