Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sir Poh getting usual...
*the below post is juz a fcking whinning post as Sir poh has got nowhere else to post his frustration & so happen hes at home now using blogger...unless u wanna be the post for me to vent my troubles...[how great of u]*
recruits toked to me...how can i counsel them when i myself is troubled...it takes a heart to change them, i totally agree but this heart of mine is getting weaker, falling sick soon...
for those whose been getting my random sms...SORRY
i juz nid to write it somewhere so all those ideas of awoling are lost...
sir poh is not strong, hes strong onli infront of his recruits ><
if i am strong, i no nid to whine n stuff
my spec say i am very positive, i aint...juz acting...but transfer my anger into something meaningful is a thing i could do easily
xfer anger to energy...to power...to strength, i could turn them easily
however tat afternoon, sir poh lost his cool, he vet it on his recruits...I AM SORRY
i am juz a loser...i kinda hate myself now...i aint being my usual self , hey wats my usual sel, i have so mani mask, i am totally become some1 u know ? tats the power to survive...which i processes...
i toked to a senior commander, he said u juz nid some1 to talk to not counselling...
*will u be the one ?*
- By Nerdy @ 7:30 PM
Saturday, January 26, 2008
stress stress...
course commander...is the busiest...
its like ur the busiest yet no regonition, lol...
i worked like a cow yet SAF pay me 1k...slept at 1am or 2am everyday report work latest 8am however i will wake up at 5.30am by my recruits' water parade...
so far handle 3 BGR problems, 1 suicidal case...
how i handle them, i fcking lied...i told them my love exp, trying to make them think actually there are worst cases out there, some of which is true but tat isnt the point
the point is i freaking lied to my recruits...i am worst than a bitch ~
they look up to me, i promise the instructor's creed to their parents, their parents entrust their children to my care...how could i face them again in 6 weeks time during their POP
i got a bar on my shoulder, i do things which i felt is right, i talked so seniors commander on how...i trusted my intuition, am i right ? wat if i did it wrongly, the feeling within me was wrong...am i causing 1 of the suicide recruit ? did i force too much pressure onto him, he attempted suicide due to too much stress...did i caused it ? did i juz destroy him ? which in-turn hurts her parents cuz hes his onli son...can i still trust my gut feeling ?
what if u trusted ur gut feeling, did it, didnt turn out well, affected some1's life towards the bad side...what will u do, how will u feel, what can u do next,i nid know,i nid to find, i nid an answer, i cant trust my feeling anymore, rather i am afraid of wats gonna happen, how can i trust my feeling ever again...what will i do from now...
i am afraid to face him, how mani recruits cried infront of me, approaching me for advise for help...yet i am young, inexperienced to help them
to be honest i am escaping, trying to run away from reality, but i cant...i cant...
pls help me...i am suffering within yet i have to face them wif confidence, no worry attitude, problem-free commander...
despite all of these, i will be strong & try my best...
the reason i become an officer is i want to change ppl's life...i want them to call me sir poh cuz they respect me and not juz by my rank
- By Nerdy @ 2:29 PM
bad ladies nite...
Story, i cried while scolding my recruits...partying in zouk then later got wasted...but still sobber
the above totally sums up everything on wed...
i thought i wouldnt be so emotional, i decided to be in order to wake up their idea, decided to use the soft approach...
i told my colleages, lets go enjoy our nite n i will get wasted, hafen had the feeling of wanting to get wasted and cried...
so there i am in zouk, friends planning to get me wasted n haf a great time...
i did have a great time, how great it is is up to the viewer's own imagination
but i survived, sobber still a virgin xD
i had to play my cards right in this batch of recruits...
after tat nite i have experienced alot...
now i hope i can find some1 to settle down with...
hopefully someday i can and i will....b4 i ORD, tats my goals...
- By Nerdy @ 3:59 PM
Saturday, January 12, 2008
this yr is like a voucher year for me , kinda unique xD
why voucher yr, hmmm
first my gd friend used voucher n got extra so i got myself a gatsby moving rubber, lol
after we meet up for a small gathering n i gave pinky a hello kitty keyboard of which she doesnt have a desktop to work wif [forgotten tat she uses laptop] super screwed right, haha >.<
so maybe next yr for her b.day...i will store up a cpu ? then next yr a monitor ? lol
then by the yr 20xx she will have a hello kitty set workable comp ;)
oh anyway, my poly mates gave me a voucher !!! can u believe it, lol
so maybe later i will be going IMM haha and begin my shopping spree again >.<
i feel so guilty cuz this year i spend like $250 already[without buyin shoes]
3 cheers to my poly mates, haha, voucher is good cuz i can use to buy wadever i want, haha, gonna love it...cuz my taste is very unique
ahhh...my new recruits juz enlisted last thursday...i promised my instructors not to interfee too much...how ever i notice being an officer really mean something or at least for me...NOT ALL OFFICERS cuz 1 of them i know is fcked up...but theres something different la
i promised the instructor's creed to their parents, the officer's creed to the government, the values to myself
my PC back in ocs think tat i aint good but hey ur wrong and ur the 1 who sux...ppl toking behind ur back n stuff, ur own instructors saying u like to suk up ur bosses...
oh well...to be honest i am kinda envy of pinky lol, she got to do wat she like & earn some money in the process, tats my dream since i am young.
To Do What I Like While Earning Enough
i am a simple guy material wise, i can live without any luxuries and i can live with luxuries.
day by day i do wat i like n no worries...yup a happy go-luck person
no worries tat explains i dun look my age ? haha
my family is blessed...i am lucky
cuz my recruit's family background isnt all tat good, lets say ur a regular @ 18-20 yrs old, ur earning 1.5k to support 2 sisters and 1 mum, or earning 1.5k for urself + ur grandmum + her medical bills...theres mani mani more
so if ur not even near 1 of those situations, considered urself lucky, so do not ever EVER look down on ITE students or those wif lower education
i hate those ppl who think they are clever n actually look downed on them, bastards !!!
some of them have bad family influcence, money problems, but they are trying, finding a way for survival...who can they blame, no1, who will help them, themselves...they grow to be stronger[some], more matured then others of the same age. do things like lets say sell drugs, u think they are stupid but do they have much of a choice ? wif ppl behind chasing them for money.
i will put in my 100% effort to help them...i almost cried when i saw my first batch of recruits POP...its my honor to see them grow so much in the span of the short 9 weeks. i was the 1 who planned their POP n i am proud in doing it, i do it for them , i dont do it for creditibility, i am juz a NSF, creditiblity wun bring me anywhere.
so all in all, i know what i am going to do after i ORD !!! & the next 8 months in service.
- By Nerdy @ 10:48 AM
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
b4 the blog if offically covered by spider webs...
slenes is here to !!!!!!!!!!!!!
*clean clean*
haha , hafen updated for damm long eh =X
now now, so fast left 9 months only !!! to ORD yay~!
this few weeks, haf been shopping like crazy~realli crazy...
first time buy so mani stuff, lol
been to China quanzhou, xiamen (winter 14 - 20 degrees)
realli cool place to be especially gulangyu, nice place to live in...
China is good for their mountain n sea la...
this year june to aug, gonna plan a trip for old gang(for those who dunno wats tat)[ a bunch of good friends from yishun sec]
how good it is to have friends
1 of my friend asked do u have a best friend
i begin to ponder...do i have 1 ?
well i have 1 but to be honest does he treat me the same ?
then i ask myself again...do i need a best friend ?
*think think*
nope...i know i have alot of good friends...i cherish each N every of u
cuz i choose my friends...
if i have alot of good friends, i dont need a best friend...
lets say i have sec sch , poly, working, outside, and now army friends'
in different situation i nid certain help and only certain ppl can help...
lets say in army when i needed help, of cuz i call my army ppl to help ma...cant possibly call my sec, poly friends, hhaa
so to all my friends who happen to read this , every1 of my friends are dear to me...i love u guys and happie 2008 =D hopefully eh, haahaa
- By Nerdy @ 9:51 PM