we are best friends but i guess ur not now , u trust ur classmates more than me , well done , wats left of us will be ashes

our friendship is over , i left the old gang myself willingly , i am born a loner , as ur friend i know u will let it be and do nothing to change it

its over.... i alone decide , u will not see my face again , sayonara honto ni....


- By Nerdy @ 11:35 PM

ok now , let me tok about why i am so tired , lol

on thursday nite , i carry my boku armor from khatib to woodlands
then on friday nite , i carry my boku armor from woodlands to NCS
from there i work straight from 8.30am - 5pm , during the break i lost to my colleagues in the indian poker and drank 14 cups of those small cups of water

after work i carry my boku armor from NCS to NYP , god damm tired already when i reached there , from there we trained wif NUS kendo club

after tat my leg got injured , right hand kena beat like some swollen big meat
i slept at 12am saturday then woke up at 7am cuz my friend called me , hehe morning call then we went for a thing called island rush which is organised by rei's church

hafen seen her in a long time , well , 2 years , haha , shes still the same
i got to meet "max" realname is menhem ., not sure , shu fen the tracker , kelli the girl whose wearing brown ,1 girl who started 20 minutes and had ashma , netball -> quite cute , haha and the old gang


together we do many crazy things , lol , first we played a jumping sack , well 2 from the team , then 3 from the team , 2 are blinded , 1 is leading them , hehe , after tat we got our first clue which is guess the word !!! , we are the last 2 team to found out the clue , lol , and i guesssed it -.- after shu fen told me it starts wif a EN , lol , then after 2 seconds i said england , lol

after tat we went to find some1 and 1 of the team member have to have their foot messaged by some guy , lol and have to sing A NEVER ENDING SONG , hehe
and tat person is me -_-

before tat the ashma girl had to go home so tats 9 of us left...
at tat time our morale is still good , haha , shu fen is really into the game
all of us are running non-stop , lol

hmm i cant remember , lol , oh ok we have to find a shop title " da sheng " and the shop number is #36 , lol , its actually a shop which sells hong kong pastry.
our task => sell 10 "lao po biscuits " to others and get $8 back to the shop
tats easy i beg the ppl ,lol , and sold 4 of them

from there we had to find a building , we had to used binoculars to see text from afar , and i volunteer myself but shu fen wanted to do it , ok then shes on , BUT after seeing the text from afar , lol , shes got these 2 panda eyes !!!! , all 3 binoculars had some ink on it and thus she became a panda , haha and i was rofl like hell , from there we carried their bags from the girls.

after tat we find our way into the market cuz we nid to find an old lady who sells only soap , bags and clothes , and we found tat easily , lol , then we nid to go to sentosa , wait am i missing a station ? , oh well tats all i remembered , lol

after reaching habour front mrt we waited for a bus to go to sentosa , we managed to SQUEEEEEEEE into the bus , lol , and i am the last guy , lala , everytime i am the last guy , maybe i can get used to the life in japan , well the train , lol.

waa can i continued next time ? so damm tired my hands type so many , zzzzz

its realli fun , lol , i really loved it even thought my hands are damm tired , lol after the kendo training . we do many many things together , OH I FORGOT , lol , now i remeber we went to fort canning hill and we nid to count how many steps there is , lol , then we went to a place near clark quey mrt , but we got the step's answer wrong , we guessed 159 , 160 , but wrong , lol then the old gang except me back to fort canning hill which is damm far and count again , the number they got is 162 and 170 , we got it both wrong AGAIN , damm , so no choice we have to guess the answer , every guess is a 5 minute penatly , then we heard the other team said 158 and got it correct, lol thx to shu fen listening , well actually they said it qutie loud , lol

then we got it corrected , our task => moved a box inside has got a bottle and 4 more bottles , the 4 bottles of water will acted as wheels for the box to moved , we dropped it 4 times and got to wait for 15 minutes b4 we can move on , haha

after tat we went to sentosa , and if ya interested , juz ask me maybe , lol , well maybe in msn in the office on monday - friday , lol , i will glady reply and chat

ok then , have to play games and rest my legs , think i aint going for kendo on monday , my right hand cant even moved too well and legs tired as hell , lol


- By Nerdy @ 11:44 AM

well now my hand tired felt like kena slashed by 100 swords ,z zzzzzz

anyway i juz woke up , later go bath then go meet friend play the island rush thingy , haha , wonder how it will be like


so damm tired from kendo , aaaa , type more and i will be late , hehe so wish me good luck eh =)


- By Nerdy @ 7:10 AM

after the last blog entry i heard " the the teng " i saw "her" nick , i was so very damm shocked , my heart pumping suddenly become fast like some wizard casted haste on it

we talked a lot , i explained myself , get to know her better and her plans
in the end 1 of my dreams came to life , it happened she forgive me , i am so happy i cant find words to describe it man maybe due to the poor knowledge of my vocab but even if i have the dictionary wif me i oso dunno how to descrie , haiz but anyway , if i have another wish i hope we can be friends again , well if i can cast a spell call " forget this " it would be good


as long as u dont give up and hope for the best , there will always be hope
and that hope has come to me today 25th may 11pm wednesday

this nitemare has finally ended......


i hope due to this incident our friendship will be better than we used to have


- By Nerdy @ 11:00 PM

well well , blogging sure bring back memories , some sad some damm funny , well mostly sad , lol

i am beginning to feel better....however am quite pissed wif swirlyeyes , oh well , weyuan finally get the chance to touch him , lol , asked him to check some stuff , nided some stuff from VSS

so sitting down there doing my own shit , then suddenly he well maybe he asked me or maybe tell me , u e-mail me yet ? , then i say wat stuff , then he suddenly say something sounded irritated but oh well something like walan u still sit there...

somehting like that , then i was like wtf , who are u to me man , NCS hired me to help u guys do stuff izzit , lol , but i am not those petty types la , ppl discribed me as those happy-go-lucky kind of shit u know , hehe

anyway , this sat got this island rush , my old gang will be joining , haha , realli excited man but friday got kendo training , i dunno wat i am gonna do , how ar , haiz , and grading fee nids to be handed in b4 friday , damm , this is stressful , if i dont go for grading means my motivation is going down , hmm lets see


- By Nerdy @ 10:09 PM

went nite biking again , lol ,this time to jalan kayu but b4 reaching there , we happen to passby the seletar water there , lol , quite nice the senery

its around 1am and 3am we passby there , nice nice

and dont eat jalan kayu roti prata , too sweet man , lol

the only thing is water water in my mind , realli too sweet lah , haiz , waste of money , oh well , was riding then memories start to flow again

was rememebring the way back to khatib , i was nearly knocked down by a car , i was sms-ing u , and when i reached my friend's house i sms-ed u again and u said i was lying but i am not , hehe cuz i said i will never lie to u , any1 but u

so we go on , was singing the songs i composed back then , somehow tears start to flow , well a little cuz i cant let my 2 friends see me in that state , will be bad if they start asking irrevelant questions

and i fell down , lol , toes bleed a little , guess i was too moody and careless , oh well , next nite bike destination will be to mandai road , lol , lets go nite safari !!!!!

well next time will post more happy ending entry cuz this week isnt very good so cya ok ? and i am waiting always


- By Nerdy @ 5:13 PM

damm its bad , lol , i never have this many dreams b4 in my life , i keep dreaming the impossible , damm , if only those dreams would come true but its all over

rather than i find a way to explain or rather clear the misunderstandings , i will juz wait until ya ready then its better i think for u to absorb the things i say but btw the whole thing will come , u will have already forget wat happened , well , nothing will changed , hope i can faster finish poly and pursue my dream of being a tour guide


- By Nerdy @ 7:07 PM

sad once again tats why i tried to hard at work , i even OT-ed when i got no important stuff to do , why if u guys ask , i juz wanna keep myself busy and if i am busy i will not think of the things tat happened

well i tried not to but now i am still thinking whether to go to the bbq or not cuz its raining like mad now here in woodlands , lol

and the bbq is at yishun , lol , bad day ya

so far as i remembered this is the worst week of my 18yrs of life here , omfg , lightning will shocked the hell out of me , i swear i saw suddenly a stop in my heart and some red lines flow infront of my eyes , wat painful experience , oh well , damm the rain

maybe the god cries for me , well maybe........


- By Nerdy @ 1:47 PM

i sort of understand u already , the both tink u typed out actually can be ingored , it should be it hurts u a lot and we can noly be normal friends


i think i will stop all contact wif u ba , i am getting too moody , i hope u can find a guy better than me or rather ur mr right


gd luck and gd bye in everything tat u do


- By Nerdy @ 11:19 PM

this is a misunderstanding , u told me u a bit lian in the past , tats why i sort of agree , well u help me b4 ma , i did appreciate it

wei , since when i didnt help u , well i did try my best but i didnt complain leh

pls help other ppl and ask from help , be wat u used to be b4 knowing me and its realli ok u think u can onli treat me as normal friends , i juz wanna let u know how i feel , its ok if i dont get the ending i wanted

i wanna share wif all of u who happen to come here wat i dreamt this morning mostly to u

i dream of receiving ur sms forgiving me , we chatted the whole nite , u forgive me and we are back to the normal days . ate dinner and stuff , after tat i heard my phone's sms , i woke up and immediately picked it up and its not u


nowadays i cant stop dreaming , i no longer can differ dream from reality , i am like a souless stupid shit walking around thinking of the words u said to me

u juz sms-ed me u wanna sleep liao but my feeling again tell me u wanna avoid this , but i will realli keep my promise , i will not pester u anymore and tats wat u want , i will delete ur msn contact , phone number , all of it , cuz tats wat u want , but i juz cant delete my happy memories wif u , the happy sms , the promise to take u to dinner after i got my pay this month , the day i met u b4 exam , the phone call i made was teaching u OS calculation , the j2ee project , the things u said to me , the conversation of u wif my bfriend , all of it

oh and i promised u not to bluff u on anything , i saw the conversation between u and pui yan , pls dont scold her , i beg her to , i am sorry , and all the sufferings and how i hurt u will end , after i typed it all out in here , i notice 1 thing , even if i clear the misunderstanding , we will still not be the same , i think its ok i will stop , even if i call u , nothing will changed , haiz , why muz this happen , anyway i wanna tell u something

tat very day u smsed me i was very happy yet surprised...cuz i told u i dont wanna sms u anymore le n thought u were angry at me but u sms me meaning u think of me and not angry wif me anymore le , we chat only during working hours tat time , tat was on monday , wat i felt tat day but the day u saw the entry was already saturday , tat week , every nite after i leave the room , i will sms u and we chat until i got home , remember the when u see the word " ri " , add 1 line , wat will u think of , and the result is i am stubborn , after monday i felt we were like friends rather than the guy u sms to make time past faster. this is how i felt , i am still keeping the promise of not lying to u , oh i hafen told u the things pui yan told me the day we walked together back home , she told me u never hate any1 b4 the day u know her la and she said its a good thing she hate u , she oso said tat u told her if there is guys who like her , u will like consider , but if that guy is cmi then u will not even talk to him , its i think too much ba , the more i recall sadder i become , anyway dun hate pui yan ba cuz i keeping begging her so pls pls pls dont hate her , tats all she told me , she asked me to let u cooldown a bit but my stubborn haste juz wanna clear the misunderstanding , i know i say this before but let me say this again , i hope to clear the misunderstanding and become wat we used to be but deep down inside i know tis impossible , as it goes liek this , the scars tat are made cant be healed , i realli realli regret making that entry post , its all my mind-maps tat my brain is thinking u know , either this or that , after reading this post , if ur still angry means u realli hate me , i am a bastard a shit , crap...if ur reading this and felt sad , which my feeling told me u wont , we might have something for each other but its all broken , sorry had to let u read all this but if u dont want me to clear up the things , pls tell me u dont nid it and tell me by sms leave u alone , and i will respect tat , or u wanna cooldown first then we talk things out , pls tell me wat to do , and 1 more thing , u said i think i can onli treat u as normal friend , pls dont think , if u got no feeling for me pls tell me straight , its ok , i am already smileless , its ok realli but pls tell me yes or no , i hurt ur feeling le , its ok if u hurt mine , once again i am sorry i hurt ur feelings , i realli dont mean it , and all of these i typed , i realli didnt think of it much , its juz how i feel NOW , it will changed but the feeling to u will NEVER DIE , tat i promise and if u dont help other ppl or ask for help then i oso follow u , i dont see other mei mei and ba other mei mei and if other mei mei come look for me , i oso dont care them


sorry again for hurting u cuz pui yan said this is serious ingoring u like that...wo zhen de bu shi gu yi de , zhen de , qing yuan liang wo & ke neng de hua hui dao guo qu , zai jian


- By Nerdy @ 10:19 PM

zorpia , is it u who helped me , a place to upload pictures , i remembered when i wanna change my blog's layout , i asked u , u helped me , helped me in secret , i dunno , maybe i think too much , but the feeling shouldnt be wrong

thx...i miss u


- By Nerdy @ 8:23 PM

14 th , i lost my smile , even thought i smile doesnt realli mean i am happy , my colleagues asked me why so quiet , i dunno how to tell them.

when evonne showed me tat sms , i cant believe my eyes , my greatest fear came true , haiz

was working on an XML schema , wasnt very hard but nids lots of concentration , after seeing tat i lost it all , i cant concentrate AT ALL , damm

i am stuck between u and work , work can wait but u cannot wait but i decided not to sms u anymore until the day u choose to forgive me and my words , i wanted to sms u this "" but i juz cant , u will be more angry seeing me , evoonne is asking what i do to make u angry , after losing concentration for 2 hours sitting there like a stupid guy , i finally understand


this will be the last sms from me to u until the day u choose to forgive me , i love u and i will wait till the day u decide to accept mi into ur life.i am sorry


i got no mood to do work anymore , i dunno wat to do , i wanted to ask u to this sat bbq but i think its impossible , i realli hope ur sad because of me but no as jian yong always say at work " ni xiang tai duo le ", ur angry at me , i wish i can turn back time to go back to last monday where everything was ok , we will be bullying each other , sorry i sms u too much , ur not too good at saying " ni heng fan leh " , so i guess wo fan dao ni le , again sorry i didnt mean to hurt u , actually i wanted to bring u out for dinner n say the 3 words near the end of month which i promised u the meal but all this will not happen , i asked my bf for dinner today n nope he said hes busy i said its ok next time ba...then after 5 minutes he sms me saying hey u ok ma , u sounded liek shit...i dunno , maybe its time for me to get to reality rather than in my own world. been long since i ever dropped a tear , in the office , i wonder its work or izzit u , but i guess u will never see this cuz u hate me and i dont want it like this...maybe its too selfish on my part , its always iii and not uuu...i think i should accept ur decision , i dont find u a bother and i think i am a bother sms ing u once i get out of work , ur sms realli made me feel " not tired " but u will never be there for me again...i dunno how i will face u next sem cuz we r into BI , maybe we will not be in the same class , tat will save u from seeing me i guess. i am stupid for listening to jason, i will not drink again , i swear i wont , if ur wat jason says , i will stop loving u but i trust u thus i continue but why muz this happen now at this time...theres too many whys , i cant figure out , i am confused , theres too many questions in my mind and answering them will take days and ur the only key to the questions , asking it here will be meaningless but but but maybe u will step into this blog again , well i hope so , i dont want to let ppl see the fake me , i will express my feelings here , if u can accept my bad side then its ok.

i love u , do u feel the same ?
i am waiting for ur sms , do u feel the same ?
i smile when i see ur sms , do u ?
are we just friends or more than friends ?
i wanted to help u do ur report but u say " bu yao qian ni ren qing la " , well i am not asking for anything becuz its u , others its not the same
i helped revise my friends on OS calculations , i didnt ask nothing
all of this questions's answer is all i wanna know
it will lead me to 2 options , to stop loving or to continue
hope u can forgive me , actually deep down inside my heart i know tat even if u forgive me the friendship we have will not be the same , either it will be better which i hope it will or we will never speak to each other again and u will avoid me , if tat is the case i rather quit school , seeing the girl i like avoiding me is the worst punishment to me

if its the blog entries ur angry at , pls , i dont mean it i say i sort of agree but i trust in u , if i believe jason i will not continue this love , but i believe ur not that kinda of girl , u change le tats what u told me...i will wait , wait for ya forgiveness , wadever it is , i will respect ur decision , i believe i will , i have not given up and will continue to wait , if i ever appear in ur conversation or in ur dreams , tat alone will be enough for me...u always come first b4 everything else, i miss ur hahaha...something bah

thx for everything for u bring colors to my black&white
this is the longest post ever and it took me 1 hour to write this


- By Nerdy @ 9:51 PM

well friday nite is ok but after i get home , everything changed , i dunno why man

jason is rite , if u happen to see this, i juz wanna say sry , i wont bother u anymore


after seeing this , i had a feeling its me , i realli didnt know u hate me this much

if i have done anything wrong , pls tell me and i dunno if the jason is the jason in my class , if yes , he luvs to tok shit all he said are rubbish , oh well , ur not a bother to me

i sms u but u didnt reply so i guess its me , when i am online , u offline and changed ur nick so i dunno man

if u hate me this much , might as well tell me or juz reply me something ,at least i know wats the problem and i will stop any means of communication

but u didnt reply , didnt respond , friday is still good , but the next day
14th may is a day u treat me as an invisible guy
sad , is the day i broke my heart , if u happen to see this , pls reply me , somewhere and tell me wats wrong , its unfair to me

haiz , why must this happen......


- By Nerdy @ 10:23 PM

i have good friends around , oh well

she is a good friend to me but in her eyes ,i am juz a normal friend who she would sometimes send a sms asking " how have u been and stuff " , its i think too much or wat

she asked me waiting for gf ar , i think she already know i no gf but oh well maybe she forget , haiz , sometimes i juz wanna clear my mind

i have asked u out 4 times le but still no , i dunno wat man , or am i a guy who u chat wif to make time pass faster

like jason said , becareful , shes not a good girl , she will only find u when she nids ur help , well i sort of agree wif him but i trust in u , i dunno , somethings telling me to hold back and yet i cant , deep down inside i have fallen for u , i stopped looking at other " mei mei " since i had a crush wif u but the crush has become love

i dont wanna be juz friends
i love u


- By Nerdy @ 10:39 PM